i just kept typing...

It's been one hell of a weekend. So many thoughts that I wanted to put down throughout this Thanksgiving weekend. My step brother and step sister flew in on Wednesday morning. My relationship with them is... distant. There really isn't much to talk to them about. I try, I really do. Despite one being 9 and the other 14, I always try to spark a conversation with whatever interests them. All I get are one word answers, or no words at all. A smile, a head nod, a shoulder shrug... thats it. I feel like i've gone through this before, trying to break these kids down and getting something out of them, anything. This is by far one of the most difficult things i've got to continue working on. We're family, they live in Roswell, NM and I live here. I only see them once or twice a year, but nonetheless, we're family. My mom told me that they don't talk to me because i'm intimidating. Yea yea yea, believe me, i've heard that before... plenty of times. I just told her that they're gonna have to get over it, because i'm going to continue to make conversation with them until we actually talk. About anything damnit. Punk lil kids think they can get by without talking to jHust?? hahaha... trippin. And its not even like they don't like me or anything. We're cool with each other. Play video games, casual conversation, but nothing further. Every encounter is very short.  Shit's about to change...

Friday I left Sacramento for my cousin's wedding in the bay area. This lady is more than a cousin to me, she's my sister. She has babysat, changed my diapers, helped me with science projects, shopped with me for school clothes, tutored me, helped me w/ college apps, gave me tips for college, took me to vegas for my 21st, etc. She is a SISTER to me. I am oh so happy to know that she will be with someone for the rest of her life, who absolutely loves her. I've known this man for the past 7 years and if there is one thing i'm sure of, it's that he loves my Ate Irene dearly. Utter happiness was displayed this weekend. In every single person's eyes, words, and hugs. Happiness was everywhere. When we say that positivity and happiness is contagious, this weekend was just further proof on that aspect.  All the drama was put aside or resolved at this wedding between family members. People were no longer worried about their current life situation, knowing that their family/friend was happy. A new sense of optimism was set place during this shindigg. Very open to knew things. Knowing that one day I will be just as happy. Being happy with everything that we have now. How this wedding just so happened to fall on Thanksgiving weekend. When it all comes down to it, I can simply say that I'm just happy for all of my family and friends who have influenced me to become the man I am today.  Yea yea yea, all the talk about how we should be thankful everyday. You kidding me?! I am thankful everyday, I believe everyone is thankful everyday. It just so happens that we're not so concious in reminding ourselves EVERYDAY what we have to be thankful for. We take this time, once a year, to just sit back and really think about all we have. A time at the beginning of the holiday season to be thankful, and wanting to pay it forward. To my family and friends, you're constant support keeps me motivated. I continue to see the strengths in all of you, and implement them into my own life everyday. Thank you!!

Sunday night. I was able to talk with my cousin, Kuya Ching (39 yrs old), today. I haven't really kicked it with him in a couple of years actually. Whenever we see him, its always just for a little bit and we never actually have conversations outside of "whats new?" Kuya Ching is someone i've always looked up to, simply because he is what I think it means to "lead by example." Although he had encountered many bumps on his road to success, he has gotten there. He is a successful father, husband, friend, and family member. So, tonight we end up kickin it at his house on our way from the wedding back to Sacramento.  A good conversation between he and I for about an hour or so. A few things stuck out to me during our conversation. One of them being, him telling me how he likes to live his life without negativity. He strays away from negative talk, vibes, thinking, etc. He says that there isn't really much to get all riled up for. Take things in stride and be positive. Why must we dwell on things that consume us with anger or frustration, if it really doesn't matter?? If you were to get in a collision with someone, and they say its your fault and very rude about it, why get so angry? Get their information, move on, its there word against yours etc. He had used that as an example. I continued to talk to him about this topic and how I truly believe the same thing. Just staying positive, surrounding yourself with positive people, thoughts, goals, etc.  It felt good to know that someone else in my family holds that near and dear to their heart. Cause shit bruh, in our family, it's hard to stay positive with all the gossip, criticizing, and shit talking that goes on within closed doors. Another thing he brought up that was interesting was about greed. He started out by explaining on how greed is seen as a very bad thing. One of the "7 deadly sins". How it becomes the demise of certain people. Then he asked, "could greed ever be a good thing??" I sat there befuddled thinking, nah bro never. Then he explained to me how my own success thus far in my life had a taste of greed/selfishness. "There are times in our life where we must be greedy. There are times in our life where we must get what we want and deserve." I left Sacramento to pursue a degree at UC Irvine. I left thinking only about myself at that time. I left home to get away from all the bullshit that consisted between my divorced parents and the fear of getting nowhere if I stayed home. I did well in college so I wouldn't have to be sent back home due to any mishaps. I came back home because I know it's all about me right now. I need to become financially situated before continuing on my quest to God knows where. Greed, although very misleading and bad at times, can also improve our well being.  This may be a little far fetched, but very true...

But real talk... Thank YOU