A coach, mentor, and inspiration...

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I simply try to implement some of his great characteristics into my own life daily... I try.

i just kept typing...

It's been one hell of a weekend. So many thoughts that I wanted to put down throughout this Thanksgiving weekend. My step brother and step sister flew in on Wednesday morning. My relationship with them is... distant. There really isn't much to talk to them about. I try, I really do. Despite one being 9 and the other 14, I always try to spark a conversation with whatever interests them. All I get are one word answers, or no words at all. A smile, a head nod, a shoulder shrug... thats it. I feel like i've gone through this before, trying to break these kids down and getting something out of them, anything. This is by far one of the most difficult things i've got to continue working on. We're family, they live in Roswell, NM and I live here. I only see them once or twice a year, but nonetheless, we're family. My mom told me that they don't talk to me because i'm intimidating. Yea yea yea, believe me, i've heard that before... plenty of times. I just told her that they're gonna have to get over it, because i'm going to continue to make conversation with them until we actually talk. About anything damnit. Punk lil kids think they can get by without talking to jHust?? hahaha... trippin. And its not even like they don't like me or anything. We're cool with each other. Play video games, casual conversation, but nothing further. Every encounter is very short.  Shit's about to change...

Friday I left Sacramento for my cousin's wedding in the bay area. This lady is more than a cousin to me, she's my sister. She has babysat, changed my diapers, helped me with science projects, shopped with me for school clothes, tutored me, helped me w/ college apps, gave me tips for college, took me to vegas for my 21st, etc. She is a SISTER to me. I am oh so happy to know that she will be with someone for the rest of her life, who absolutely loves her. I've known this man for the past 7 years and if there is one thing i'm sure of, it's that he loves my Ate Irene dearly. Utter happiness was displayed this weekend. In every single person's eyes, words, and hugs. Happiness was everywhere. When we say that positivity and happiness is contagious, this weekend was just further proof on that aspect.  All the drama was put aside or resolved at this wedding between family members. People were no longer worried about their current life situation, knowing that their family/friend was happy. A new sense of optimism was set place during this shindigg. Very open to knew things. Knowing that one day I will be just as happy. Being happy with everything that we have now. How this wedding just so happened to fall on Thanksgiving weekend. When it all comes down to it, I can simply say that I'm just happy for all of my family and friends who have influenced me to become the man I am today.  Yea yea yea, all the talk about how we should be thankful everyday. You kidding me?! I am thankful everyday, I believe everyone is thankful everyday. It just so happens that we're not so concious in reminding ourselves EVERYDAY what we have to be thankful for. We take this time, once a year, to just sit back and really think about all we have. A time at the beginning of the holiday season to be thankful, and wanting to pay it forward. To my family and friends, you're constant support keeps me motivated. I continue to see the strengths in all of you, and implement them into my own life everyday. Thank you!!

Sunday night. I was able to talk with my cousin, Kuya Ching (39 yrs old), today. I haven't really kicked it with him in a couple of years actually. Whenever we see him, its always just for a little bit and we never actually have conversations outside of "whats new?" Kuya Ching is someone i've always looked up to, simply because he is what I think it means to "lead by example." Although he had encountered many bumps on his road to success, he has gotten there. He is a successful father, husband, friend, and family member. So, tonight we end up kickin it at his house on our way from the wedding back to Sacramento.  A good conversation between he and I for about an hour or so. A few things stuck out to me during our conversation. One of them being, him telling me how he likes to live his life without negativity. He strays away from negative talk, vibes, thinking, etc. He says that there isn't really much to get all riled up for. Take things in stride and be positive. Why must we dwell on things that consume us with anger or frustration, if it really doesn't matter?? If you were to get in a collision with someone, and they say its your fault and very rude about it, why get so angry? Get their information, move on, its there word against yours etc. He had used that as an example. I continued to talk to him about this topic and how I truly believe the same thing. Just staying positive, surrounding yourself with positive people, thoughts, goals, etc.  It felt good to know that someone else in my family holds that near and dear to their heart. Cause shit bruh, in our family, it's hard to stay positive with all the gossip, criticizing, and shit talking that goes on within closed doors. Another thing he brought up that was interesting was about greed. He started out by explaining on how greed is seen as a very bad thing. One of the "7 deadly sins". How it becomes the demise of certain people. Then he asked, "could greed ever be a good thing??" I sat there befuddled thinking, nah bro never. Then he explained to me how my own success thus far in my life had a taste of greed/selfishness. "There are times in our life where we must be greedy. There are times in our life where we must get what we want and deserve." I left Sacramento to pursue a degree at UC Irvine. I left thinking only about myself at that time. I left home to get away from all the bullshit that consisted between my divorced parents and the fear of getting nowhere if I stayed home. I did well in college so I wouldn't have to be sent back home due to any mishaps. I came back home because I know it's all about me right now. I need to become financially situated before continuing on my quest to God knows where. Greed, although very misleading and bad at times, can also improve our well being.  This may be a little far fetched, but very true...

But real talk... Thank YOU

Bubbles Bubbles n' more Bubbles

Thoughts after reading SuJ's blog...

"This bubble we live in..." I've heard that line from plenty of people throughout these years. Always a topic of conversation when we are put outside our very own bubble and experience new things. For me, I was thrown back into the bubble of Sacramento.  Americans, as SuJ put it, are in the bubble of not experiencing war first hand.  As Americans we have not experienced war outside our front door, in our neighborhoods and community, on American soil. This led me to thinking about my own 'bubbles' throughout my years. Sacramento to Orange County back to Sacramento. In Orange County, it's rare to see a homeless person walking the streets,  people hustlin' on the street corners, ridiculously baggy clothes, 'ghetto' talk, etc.  All of this is nothing new to me, nor is it to a lot of people I know. It just becomes a part of the bubble you live in at the present time.  

Yesterday I went shoppin' around Sac hoping to find some new clothes that were to my liking.  My initial thoughts were that I wouldn't have too much of a problem finding clothes that 1) fit me 2) i would wear.  I went to this place called SD Mart in South Sac. Its like an indoor flea market.  As I walk up to the front door w/ my homie Brandon, theres this one cat who catches my eye and starts walkin up to us. "Ey homies!! Yall fucks with the mens cologne?! Cause I gots you homies. I'm talkin bout the real shit! Ya feel me?! Real labels n' errything" I kindly respond with a, "Naah bruh, I'm still on deck with the cologne I got now. Thanks though.." He quickly conceded and asked the next group of people behind us. Yea, that was nothing. I've encountered plenty of situations like this before. I just kept laughing and smiling as we were walking inside. Brandon being curious asked what was so funny. I proceeded to tell him that shit like that doesn't happen on the daily in OC. Iono, it seems like yea, this happens everywhere, even the OC, but this time it was different. I dont know how to explain it. It just got me thinking. Two completely different worlds exist. I had existed in two different worlds absorbing the different styles and culture. Acclimating to my environment wherever I was.

The last five years of my life, not once was I scared to walk the streets of Orange County. There was always for some reason this feeling I had that nothing bad would happen to me regardless. If it does happen, I can handle myself and not have to worry to much. Here in Sacramento though, it's a little different. I'm not scared to walk around the mean streets of Sac, but definitely apprehensive at times. I know too many people here that have had experiences w/ guns, weapons, robbed,  constant fighting, getting jumped, etc. Just the other night I was in the parking lot of my brother's apartment with his PS3 in hand walking to my car. Two fellas start walking up to me yellin at me to give them the PS3. Obviously I say, "Fuck nah.." Then he proceeds with a more stern voice talkin bout, "I didnt ask you, i'm tellin you to give it to me nigga..." After some 'fightin words', they didn't do anything and I went straight to my car and drove off.  Again, the idea of living in a bubble pops up. I havent had to deal with anything of this sort since I dont even know how long ago. I remember when I was in middle school if we had new shoes, we would tighten them to our feet when walking down the street if we saw some people walking our way, fearing that we would get jumped and they would steal our shoes. It was only done because we know things like that would happen. It's a different world no matter where you go.

This leads me to my next point. I've talked to plenty of people back here in Sac within this past month and a half. The one thing that I have found myself frustrated with or passionate about, is when people talk to me like they'll never see whats outside of Sacramento. Some just don't believe they have it in them to explore the world, and others are just sooooo very content with 'home' they don't even think about it.  The people who are content with living at home have different reasons or just simply don't care to explore whats outside their bubble. At first I was frustrated at them, but after numerous conversations they are who they are.  That's where they have their goals and I support them to the fullest.  The folks who just don't believe they can, those people frustrate me. These are some of my closest family/friends. It's all about passion and wanting it. Whatever "it" may be. And honestly, I don't give a fuck who you are or where you come from, because I strongly believe that if there is something out there in this world that you want to acheive/experience, then you can set yourself up to achieve it. Hardwork, responsibility, and positivity are pretty much the only things I feel necessary to acquire such happiness. On those rare occasions where one isn't able to acheive such, then it was meant to be. Sounds cliche, stupid, hypocritical to what I just said but shit happens, and for those exceptional circumstances there isn't anymore one could do about it.  I feel as though some people will always "think" about what they want to do, and never do it. They sell themselves short and think that it's not possible. But how will you know unless you do it?

"Success is a journey, not a destination"... I forget where I got that, but it has never been more true to me than today. 

With all this bubble thinking going on, it again motivates me to pursue Japan.  I want to experience new things, cultures, life, etc. It will only make me a better person, the change I want to see in the world...

Election Day

Here it is folks... Election Day! Whether or not you are voting for McCain or Obama, yes/no on 8, I strongly encourage and hope that all of you voted. For awhile it never really hit me how important this whole thing was. Yea, it was the election. Its for change. Its history. Etc. Having plenty of productive debates with my parents on several issues concerning the election has definitely influenced me to vote. Also the push and encouragement from my peers have assisted in that decision as well. And because of all that, I woke up @ 7am and went to the polling place to vote thinking there was going to be a long ass line. Nope, not even. I walked in and out of there within 20 minutes. Gangstaaaa....



I was stopped at a stop light earlier this week and saw people on the corners holding up NO on 8 signs, as well as YES on 8 signs. These weren't just any people. High school kids. Youngins who don't even have the privilege to vote yet. How much these teenagers cared about this proposition. How much they wanted their voice to be heard, despite not even being 18. That in itself was a lot of motivation to vote. The right, privilege, opportunity, RESPONSIBILITY to vote was made very clear to me. I have so many friends who have expressed their own opinions on certain issues pertaining to this election. THANK YOU! It gets quite confusing when trying to do my own research on everything. Being able to talk, listen, or read others' stand on these issues is very complementing to my own ideas and beliefs. I've found myself reading a lot about the election and everything else that ties into it. CNN.com, youtube.com, facebook.com, newspapers, etc. And through my research, i've found every interesting things. Facts about both candidates that I found disliking, reasoning about certain issues told to me that I probably would have never thought of, etc. I rediscovered how extremely ignorant, naive, and narrow minded people are at times. Some lady at a McCain rally actually stood up, with a mic in hand, and said "I've read about him (Obama). and he is...an Arab." I was happy to see that McCain stood up for Obama and reputed everything that lady said. "No ma'am, no ma'am.. He's a decent family man citizen that I just so happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues. He is not." Its disheartening to think and know that there are people who do believe in all that bullshit that's not true. Being able to surround myself with great people the past 5 years have somewhat blanketed the fact that all of this still does exist, and people are so strongly misguided into these ignorant beliefs. Yea, you would be able to see it around campus and what not, but now that I am away from Irvine and those close to me, its so apparent and normal to see that there are sooooo many people who think otherwise. Where I would be able to stray away from those who were so negative, I am faced with them everyday now that I am back home. It's a challenge. A challenge that interests me and keeps me on my toes. I'm not really sure where i'm going with this, but it's whats on my mind...



Go VOTE. If you have, Thank you! If you haven't, well... im sure you have a good reason.

Got this from Omar's facebook...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq8Uc5BFogE

Peace easy...

Home is... home

So Sacramento... how is it goin so far? home is... home. its just how it was when I left it 5 years ago. The only difference is that i'm much more intelligent, well rounded, and positive about every aspect of my life at this point. I understand that i'm home because I need to be. I need to become financially stable before I can continue on with what I want to do later... i.e. Japan. Japan is the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I've spent a lot of time answering the question, "so now that you've graduated, what are your plans?" I answer back, "get financially stable and head to Japan." By me telling people that I am going, it continues to give me that motivation. It's definitely what I keep telling myself. I know that i'm the kind of person that follows through with what I say, and for those rare moments where I am not able to, they're all because of good reasons. It was reaffirmed to me the other week when I found out that I wasn't able to go to Irvine during this upcoming Halloween weekend. I had received a call from my mom saying that we were getting the keys to the new house on the 31st, meaning we would be moving in that weekend. To my surprise, I wasn't even all that angry or frustrated. It is what it is. As I sat at in the kitchen talking to my mom about moving in I quickly thought of all the ways I could possibly still be able to move and head down south, unfortunately no go. I walk out of the kitchen and the first thing that caught my eye, was the statue of Jesus hanging on the wall by the stairs. Yea, it may be me looking too far into it, but it took me by surprise and I looked at him straight in the eyes and said, "things happen for a reason, huh??" and I smiled. Being home has its ups and downs, but right now there are a lot more ups for sure. There is always food in the fridge. I mean always. You can appreciate something like that if you've looked in your fridge and cabinets countless times and every time you look, theres nothing. I couldn't even count how many times that has happened to me or any of my friends back in the 'Vine. Haha, always opening the fridge hoping there was something you missed, but no. Still nothing. I've had a lot of very good conversations with my mom, step dad, uncle, and aunt (my mom, step dad, and I are living with my aunt and uncle until we move into our new place this upcoming weekend). Conversations that go from whats for dinner to the presidential debate, my current plan for the near future to what indian casino they want to go to for the night, etc... It's comforting to know that they are all supportive with what my plans are. I was definitely waiting for the talk about how they think I fucked up in Irvine and thats the reason why I had to go live back home, how i'm not working right now and on the current job hunt, etc. To my surprise, it was nothing like that. If anything, they were completely supportive with my decision to move back home. Not only are they supportive, they're extremely happy to have me back. It all took me to surprise because they had said nothing to me concerning that what so ever. I always felt a cold shoulder coming from them at times when topics would be brought up within conversations. Having that support from the people I feel like I must continue to make proud, definitely assists with keeping my head up and continuing that positive outlook on things.

Home is home... I wake up fairly early, run errands if need be, clean the house, apply to jobs, etc. Just recently i've been trying to learn how to play the piano. I've been youtubing piano lessons for certain songs that I wanted to learn (Feather-Nujabes, Notorious Thugs- BTnH n' biggie). So far so good, just another something to keep me busy during the day. I find myself thinking of chores around the house to just keep myself busy, and them happy by me doing all of these things.

I've been able to get back in touch with my good friends from back home. I never really thought about it, but I only consider about a handfull of people good friends here in Sacramento. The ones that are still around are probably some of the sickest people I know. It's quite funny being able to kick it with them again after so long. I keep thinking and telling them, "homie.. you gotta meet (insert name), you two would get a long soo well..." To be able to see a lot of similarities between my great friends from Irvine keeps me very content. Leaving Irvine was what needed to happen. The only thing I miss dearly is not living close by to all my homies. I am no longer able to kick it with a phone calls notice. I no longer can leave the house to kick it somewhere with homies at any given time. Thats what I miss. I like to chill with the homies, and living back home has deprived me from that so much. But then again, its not about that all the time. I've definitely been more productive with what needs to be done within these past 3.5 weeks.

I've been sharing the knowledge, positivity, and inspiration to all those who are willing to listen. A lot of people like to listen, not to be preached at. Thats exactly how I feel when people try to talk to me about things. I tune them out as soon as I feel like they are condescending or preaching. If someone is trying to share something important, to them I am all ears. They just need to realize that after walking away from the conversation, it will be stored in the back of my head like a file drawer for reference, only to be pulled out when needed. Fortunately for me, i've had plenty of those conversations and i'm constantly opening that file drawer every day. It's all about paying it forward...

I don't know where this blog is going, im just babbling. If you've read this far, thank you? thank you for reading , its quite nice being able to just babble on and on and on and on....