So Cal bound...

...chillin' with the homies...

One of those times where we need to take a step back, and look at the bigger picture...

Don't forget what brought us to this point.

Maintain the positivity...

-19

-12lbs

Pay It Forward

"Pay It Forward Baby! This short visit on planet earth is about just that. The journey gets complicated when the focus is too much on us. It's not about us. Our looks and the numbers on the scale take our eyes off the ball. It's about learning and challenging yourself, then sharing what you've learned with people who are interested in getting better." ~Joshua Brown

the past month and a half

So it's been an eventful month and a half. Having work send me back n' forth from here to OC just about every week, and starting my first week out in the field alone in Euerka, Redding, Chico, and Oroville has definitely taken a toll.

I feel like i'm in twelve all over again, living out of my suitcase/bag every week. For seven years, my brother, sister and I lived out of our bags. My parents had a unique arrangement when it came to split custody. We would switch houses every Monday. There would be no point for us unpack each week to put clothes in our dressers/closets, only to pack again six days later. Shit sucked. When I moved to Irvine, it was very refreshing to have a home. A 'constant' if you will. Some place that I could call my own. A place to come home to. It's not like i'm going on vacation or a road trip. I would be gone for about four days, come back home for a few days, then leave again. Being on a constant move.

The company I work for is a great. Everyone wants everyone to succeed. I've been told copious amount of times of how I shouldn't have to feel bad calling someone twenty times a day for help. To some people, that's pretty obvious. To me, I look at it at a different way. I always strive to excel quickly. Blow my employer out of the water by learning quickly, and doing a great job although it is just the beginning. I've already fucked up a few times. Forgetting to do something, forgetting to sign something, forgetting to check something, forgetting... something. There was a point during my drive from a site back to my hotel in Redding where I found myself very discouraged. That day I felt that everything that could go wrong, went wrong. The trunk of my car wouldn't open and I had all of my equipment in there. I was broke and tripping about having enough money for gas just to get back to Sac. According to my supervisor, everything about work that happens once in a blue moon happened in one day.

I was in the middle of an hour and a half drive back to the hotel when I decided to pray. I did my prayers, then had a 40 minute conversation w/ God. If someone would have happened to hear me, or seen me, they would've thought I was a crazy person. I took this time to plead for his help. To help me get through that week. Help me take on this new transition with even more strength. The prayer ended when I exited from the freeway. I was a totally different person from forty minutes ago. I was motivated, optimistic, and had a feeling of confidence and calmness inside me. I have plenty of time on the road each day. I use that time to speak to Him. He continues to amaze me each day with his blessings. I'm just... happy. Happy that I've taken the steps necessary to replenish the relationship w/ Him. I truly feel blessed...

I feel like I hit the ground running w/ this new lifestyle. Shit's crazy. Still getting used to it. I'its a learning process. I need to keep reminding myself that. I will understand things a lot better in due time. Continuing to see the positives in every situation...

How's everyone else doin???

been busy... hitting the ground running.

there have been rough moments

prayer is motivating and soothing for me

it's a learning process

PTL

get hyped

Billie Holiday "Remixed and Reimagined" - More Than You Know (Jazzeem's Throwback Mix)

RiP! A Remix Manifesto

My supervisor at work recommended this video to me. He's a DJ in The City. He spins house and a bunch of other music as well from trance to trip-hop, and a bunch of other music that the mainstream media is not putting out there. He basically listens to a lot of music that I've just recently been getting exposed to. Music introduced to me by my fellow donuts... So he told me about this video and I told him i'd check it out. It's very interesting. Talks about copyright infringement and how it is detrimental to the future of music/art. Although I agree with some parts of this documentary, I can't help but understand and agree with the other side of the argument. It's hard to explain, so I suggest you watch it if you have the time.

Environmental Compliance Specialist

I'm sure we've all heard it before at some point in our lives. "It's hard to get to the top, but it's even more difficult to stay there." I'm at an extreme level of happiness right now. The past week has been one of the most exciting times I've had within the past year. It all started with prayer. I decided to go back to God, seek help, direction, anything that would lead to a better position that I was at before. Two days after I started to pray is when I found the job posting for my current position. I kept praying... The contact at this company just so happens to be the same contact that wanted to hire me a year ago while I lived in Newport. A position I politely said 'no' to. To some it was a foolish mistake. To a lot of people it was the most idiotic decision I had ever made. To me, one of the most influential decisions. I did SPOP that summer. I could go into a whole lot more about all of that, but when it comes down to it, I was able to experience one of the best ways of leaving Irvine. A lot of experiences, conversations, realizations and most importantly friendships that helped me get to where I am today. So I have continued to pray. Thanking God for his blessings and all that he has given/offered me. My relationship with Him, is my own relationship. I'm trying to do this my way. Slowly, but surely, building my relationship again.

Training down south in Foothill Ranch was a blessing. Not only was I training for my new job, getting to understand the company much more thoroughly, and studying for my compliance test, I was able to kick it w/ homies that I haven't seen in so long. Everyone asked me how I was doing. I'm pretty sure I looked at everyone in the eye with, "I'm happy..." Followed with a smile. I was truly happy. I am truly happy. I want to keep this going.

I feel as though I have been on this happy tip for a week or so, I can't help but reflect on the realist in me. Knowing that with happiness, usually follows sadness at some point. It's just how things go. Then again, I know that if I continue to do right... Do right concerning work, family, friends, life, etc. I can stay happy a lot longer. I can ride this wave for however long He sees fit.

My friends are the shit. Thank you to everyone that I was able to kick it with. It really made 3 hours of sleep, followed by 8 hours of studying in a conference room tired as shit, all worth it. To kick it with everyone as little time was allowed was all I needed. If I wasn't able to see you, I'll be sure to make sure our schedules match next time. With this new position, it looks like i'll be in So-Cal a lot more often.

Thank you

PTL

God is great... PTL

My family/friends and their constant support and motivation... PTL

Staying positive... PTL

http://marvel.com/news/vgstories.9296.Download_10_Songs_from_MVC2_Hip_Hop_Mix

power of prayer

to those who have a slight inclination of belief... believe in the power of prayer. an honest to God truth. just recently did i realize that prayer and God have been what i've needed. i have tried my hardest to live a good life. to live an honest life, under my own guidelines of what i feel is right and wrong. only recently, have i gone back to God and appreciated Him. all that has happened within these past two weeks started with the cataclysmic realization of prayer.

tomorrow is my job interview. the closest i've gotten to attaining a full-time position with a respectable environmental consulting agency. i'm keeping my fingers crossed, and definitely praying. yet, i know and understand that God's plan is set. i just need to follow and perservere with a positive and focused mindset....

"you need to talk to him as much as you talk to everyone that is close to you, otherwise he's just an acquaintance" ~jason magsuci

Ebrahim

Ron Artest eating Filipino Food and Halo-Halo at a fan's house

Fall from Paradise - Classified

Fall from Paradise -

Jaime Foxx - Brady Bunch

Watch this whole thing. Jaime Foxx is on point...

Wiping Clean

You always tend to bring me back

No matter how hard I try to leave.

I start the break up with thoughts of perserverance and motivation

And I usually stay at that mindset for quite some time

But time after time, again and again I see you over yonder

Chillin with the homies

I think to myself, "Out of Sight, Out of Mind"

Wishing I was blind!!!

But nah...

You have a distinct aroma

That only you can wear

It's quite toxicating if you ask me

Reminding me of the good times and the bad

The ups and the downs

Even on a stroll around town...

You were still down

Despite the times we've had,

I feel I need to be the stronger one

To finally let go and take the next step

To take a deep breath

Instead of taking one step closer to death

I can forgive, but definitely won't ever forget

The relationship we once had has come to an end

I understand I've said this before, but I feel that this time is different

I've got a different mentality than before

Much more confident than you can ever realize

My heartrate is on a rise

Rising because i'm turning a new leaf

Wiping clean like a towelette

I say bye to you, ...my Cigarette

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A little Vegas recap

I currently feel exhausted. Las Vegas was an adventure. 5 days 4 nights while ballin on a budget. Success. Seeing friends who I haven't seen in awhile was definitely one, if not the, highlight of the weekend. Fraser, Yoon, Nidhi, Sunil, Neel, Angeli, Smalls, Dadbin, Ray, Keny, Phil, Omar, Tang, Lush, Jeneveive, SuJ, Sarah and many others. Im happy I was able to kick it with all of you, even if it was for a little bit. I just realized that it had almost been a year since i've seen any of them. Keeping in contact with a lot of those people made seeing them, not seem like it had been a year.It's refreshing to see familiar faces. Good times with good people.

My sister handled Vegas like a champ. Happy Birthday Sister!

A few of the homies took on Vegas for their first time. They underestimated Fat Tuesday and the 190 Octanes. Vegas slapped them across the face, but they were still victorious in many ways.

XS is off the hook. I wished they played more hip hop, rather than house 98% of the night.

REVOLUTION @ the Mirage on Sunday night was crackin. It was empty, but the DJ was bumpin some good tracks. The contract is now fulfilled. The 3 of us, each went to Vegas for our 21st birthdays. Somehow, steak and eggs between the hours of 3-7am always hit the spot. God doesn't want me to gamble. I just got reminded, despite only losing $40.

My family/friends are the shit.

Back to life... Back to reality...

SPOP @ UCI > CSULA Orientation

It's been a year since my last SPOP hall. Every once in awhile I get a message from a spopper and we chop it up for awhile. I ask how they're doing, how their first year went, etc. As a staffer, we truly do impact the lives of the incoming freshman. Whether or not they continue their road at UCI or at another institution, there are those who have been influenced by the program and the people involved. This spopper in particular just reminded me of that...

"It (SPOP) was truly amazing! I learned so much, especially to just not be shy and get out there and meet different people. I used to be so quiet and shy, but ever since SPOP I changed for the better. Meeting all you staffers was amazing, staying up all night playing games and getting to know each other. Thank you guys for making it the best experience ever!"

Unfortunately this person won't be able to make it back to UCI their sophmore year due to the increase of tuition by 9.3%. She just went to CSULA orientation and as of now her Facebook status reads... "SPOP @UCI > CSULA orientation"

Zot Zot bitches...

Cardio

Aesop Rock -All Day (Nike Orginial Run)

free write

the simple properties can lead to simple philosophies

bringing one to his knees as if he had been burnin trees

continuous emotions of lost and guilt is what hes built

drinking shit but instead needs that glass of milk

rejuvenating it may seem, calcium into his bones

"drink milk to prevent osteoporosis" say the clones

get on your feet and off the ground, dont you ever stay down!

in a struggle within himself

in a struggle within itself

in a struggle within... who?

the dude who blew through, who knew what he was getting into

things begin to not be what they seem

and yet constantly moving toward that dream

break through the obstacles, even when your in sub-tropical

weather fluently changes amongst our very own eyes

playing peek-a-boo within a disguise

it begins to shine, he thinks 'its mine', then again his mind is benign

a quick glance to see that chance

only to invigorate, motivate, and stimulate that dance

that feeling epitomizing freedom, ya dig?

free flowing of the body without a care in the world

you and you moving like your body's been hurled

across the floor wanting it more and more

its a feeling that is hard to describe

can someone explain it better for a bribe?

its that goal in the distance that could be reality

only way to get there, is through me

can it be. this california redwood tree.

the years it takes for you to bloom

of course you'll feel doomed.

postin in your room as if on shrooms

contemplating about what the fuck is goin on

rather have fun like a blonde

what lies in front is whats focused

nahhhh, thats bogus

now is it? some may say the present is eminent

or is it the future.

can it be both?

put it together like a recipe for meatloaf

mix that shit up

its not the present, nor the future, and definitely not the past

all by itself.

it must consist of everything

utilizing the past for the present, and preparing for the future

its a full time gig putting it all together in a blur

where is this going? i dont know. this stream of conciousness has got me afloat

dippin n' ridin on this river of thoughts

my mind is playin tricks like the first time i tried dip n' dots

is it ice cream? why isn't it melting?wtf is going on? it melts when it hits the toungue

a new experience is on the wall now hung

you should see that wall with shelves of experiences

if they could only talk, maybe write it all out in chalk

they could tell a story. ohhhhh the glory!

get up, stand up. stand up for your right!

you only have a short time before your flight...

Marvel VS Capcom 2 - Sountrack?!

Artists features on the game's "mixtape" include the following rap greats, who, we're told, are providing original songs inspired by MvsC2 and other fighting games and fighting game themes:

- Raekwon
- Talib Kweli
- E40
- DJ Qbert
- Hieroglyphics
- The Grouch and Eligh of Living Legends
- Planet Asia
- MC Supernatural
- Havoc of Mobb Deep
- DJ Toure
- And more...

The soundtrack will be issued for free on Marvel.com, Capcom-Unity.com, and the game's promo site tu4ar.com. Capcom is also exploring options for issuing the music downloadable directly to consoles, but has no plans to announce yet.

w3s-p w3s-p's Blog :: MvC2 Mix Tape Video Premiere: The Grouch and Eligh

To those Royal heads...

Tomorrow it begins... rock that shit!

this is my mic, this is my beef

This has the potential to be a long entry...

I was able to watch America's Got Talent and only caught the end of it. This fella had a deep ass voice. He talked about how much he loved to sing and that this moment would be the greatest platform that he would ever perform on. He killed it. The crowd loved him, the judges loved him, shit I was sitting down clapping giving him props. He started to cry. For some reason this happened to be one of those moments where I was sitting on the couch studying the reactions of not only the performer but those around him. The judges were so proud of him. The crowd was ecstatic. He was happy. You could tell that he gave everything he had. So much passion and charisma while on stage. The judges continued to say how proud they were... Hmm... That word 'proud'. There have been countless times where I have sat back and been proud of someone. Whether it was my brother winning a medal in little league back in the day, my sister going through pledgeship for a Filipino sorority, new Brothers crossing, my friends getting the courage to dance on stage, friends making people laugh, friends speaking their mind through poetic raps... or even young cats crossing this masking tape of a line on the floor. Proud. The judges said they were proud of him. I was proud of him and I didn't even know the guy. I smiled. I sat on the couch and was smiling for hella long. I was happy. Happy for him, but nonetheless happy. This brought me back. I want to be happy by making others be happy? I feel like this is something that everyone wants to do. To me its something more. Something deeper than just making someone smile.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."-- Marianne Williamson

It's that bolded sentence. "As we let our own light shine, we unconciously give other people permission to do the same." Helping others realize their potential is definitely something I am passionate about. It's probably why i've dwelled for the longest time on whether or not I would like to be a teacher. That is just one of the many careers I know I could do that would allow me to do these things. I wish I could get a list of all the careers that would allow me to do this consistently. I know someday I will, I just wish something/someone would just point me into the right direction. Now in no way would I try to compare myself to him, but Michael Jackson is quite possibly the epitome of this quote as of now. Ask any person you know that entertains. Anyone. Dancer, singer, musician, etc. They all have had some type of influence from Michael Jackson. He let his own light shine for the world to see, which allowed millions of people from around the world to achieve their own goals and let their own light shine as well. I strive that someday I will find that outlet for me to do the same.

I got home today and checked emails and got one back from Aclipse, then one later on from AEON. It looks like Japan and Korea are a no go for now. 'Korea' simply said they were no longer going to further my application to teach abroad, sorry for this disappointing news, blah blah blah. 'Japan' didn't have any openings for me during this time, straight up. Whether or not I am going to apply again to another agency is still up in the air. I believe things happen for a reason. Does this mean I apply to another program hoping it leads to another position elsewhere? Or does this mean that I put that on the back burner for awhile, and handle shit at home? Or do I say fuck it, it wasn't meant to be and don't even think about it again? I have no idea. I'm leaning towards the second one right now. Not having to think about leaving the country in a couple of months kind of puts me at ease. I didn't plan on this whole job situation being so shitty for so long. This gives me a sense of relief now. Knowing that I am not leaving in a few months can now give me that peace of mind when trying to find a position. This whole time, I was trying to find a gig that I could just have and not worry about it leading to something better. I was afraid that if I landed a job that did, I would be even more apprehensive about leaving. I felt that I would back out because i'd get comfortable and content.

So where does that leave me? I guess you can say that I am at the low point of this cosine graph of life. The valley between the highs and happiness. These emails didn't bring me to this point. It added to the fire of a lot of things: family, the job hunt, finances, and me. This is just a MOMENT. I will not dwell in this for too long. Sarah helped me realize earlier that this is just one of those moments where I need to gather myself, get the energy and motivation again to put my head down and move forward. To get back on track of remaining optimistic and positive w/ a focused mindset. Doing so takes a lot out of a person. Having that drive constantly challenges me everyday. It's difficult to remain so optimistic, so positive. It's a challenge. A challenge I enjoy taking on everyday. I enjoy it because I feel like I better myself by the end of the day. I am able to instill in my own life the great characteristics I have, but also characteristics of those who have influenced me. By the time I put my head down for that habitual long blink, I can say to myself that I did. I went through the day making progress. A progress that seems to be slow as fuck, but a progress nonetheless.

As of now, I have an opportunity in front of me. I'm doing the steps necessary to achieve this goal. It will allow me to share with others who I am. It will allow others to share with me, who they are. An exchange of motivation if you will. An exchange of perspectives. To be able to go on an adventure and have this chance to "seek the stories of individuals who have chosen to live life based on what they're passionate about. And from these stories, I hope to be inspired to define my own road in life by truly following what lights me up."

Thank your family and friends. Continue to thank those who constantly urge you to better yourself everyday. Those who infuse motivation and support. Without them, life would be even more difficult than it is. We are blessed...

free write

College is a waste of time he says
Talkin' about how he wished he never went
His passion in that statement was like he was trying to repent...
Repent his sins for a decision that he felt was a mistake.
At the age of 19 he decided to make this choice
To take this "opportunity" because it's not a "job"
Who am I to say shit about his decisions
His intuitions that lead to his condition... of positivity?
He's got a mouth piece that keeps woofin
I continue to nod my head w/ his statements at this point
"Stray away from the negativity and run this joint!!"
"Put your head down and move forward to your goal!!"
...I aint no fool
"You too can be just like me..."
...I will never be like you

So I explain to him about the possibility
Of me going abroad to teach and be free
Free from the confines
And the baggage it entails
Free to be Kind
And eat spicy pickled cabbage for my meal

Are you sure?!?!

Weren't you just talkin about being positive?
Here you go speakin bout opportunities
Teaching abroad is a goal for me

But you'll be away from your family.

You speak truth.
But what is that worth if they support me
Support my decision
My motivation
To gain even more knowledge... So I dropped this line
"Life without knowledge, is Death in disguise"
Do you agree?

Sitting with a stunned look on his face
His expression as if i whispered "check mate"
He just wants me to stay and hustle
Muddle these words of "hey girl, you smellin kinda troubled???"
Nah, im cool.
I'm not cool doing this 'marketing' gig
I'd rather chill w/ the homies at a shindigg

But you didn't go to college to be a teacher.

I went to college to grow.
The saying of how what we learn in college is
80% outside of the classroom
and 20% in... I'm a walking example.
I know I have interacted with many different kinds of people
I know I have influenced, and have been influenced.
I stand before you as a positively, optimistic, maximizing havin, chillin w/ the homies, doing work, being a boss like influenced individual.

But thank you for this reassurance.
A reminder of why I have my goals
A reminder of my every day values
A reminder to stay motivated.

To go from shop to shop
This conversation became nothing more than a pit stop.

Rest In Peace, The King of Pop

Orginal Gangsta


Thriller - Michael Jackson
One of the favorites...

Legends never die though. His influence to music and dance is beyond words. I don't know about you, but whenever I hear a MJ song, I always smile and want to dance...

Japan/Korea/Thailand/Taiwan

...the possibilities

Filipino Usher???

FOCUSED MINDSET

gotta get my grown man on...

The thought of being content makes me feel apprehensive. I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm back on the job hunt despite working the past 6 months. The school year is now over, so I don't have any more students to tutor. The Census Bureau gig only lasted a few months (we finished the work faster than expected). Back on the hunt. Looking for a job is a full-time job. Things are starting to become very routine now. I try not to have this feeling of being content. Content with how my current situation is. Content on staying home and trying to find a job. Content on jHust living in Sac. I've had to constantly remind myself that this is all only temporary. It's just hard to do so at times though. The comfort of living here at home, with my family, having my financial situation somewhat steady, etc. I need to stay motivated. I look for things to keep me motivated, but I can't seem to find it. It comes very rare these days. As of lately, it's been speaking with my friends that's kept me motivated. I don't speak to them much, but when we do, it's simply satisfying. I leave feeling refreshed with a new sense of perserverance. Keep on truckin'. Don't be content. Continue to stay motivated and make the moves necessary to advance closer to my goals...

I contacted AEON on Friday afternoon asking what the status was with my position. The recruiter pretty much gave me the same info as last time. There are less openings now because of the economy, and a lot of the current teachers are renewing their contracts. For the month of November, he said that they only had 5 openings left, and that they were already offered to other people on the wait list. 5 openings to where he says there are usually 35-40 openings during that time. Im still optimisitc and positive. He did appreciate the fact that I called him to double check the status. He says it shows that it is something I still want to do. Every little thing I can do to help me get closer to that goal, right? Yeaaa buddy...

New York
I went to New York last week to visit my Ate Irene and Kuya Ren. They had just moved out there in February, shortly after getting married. My first trip there and I can honestly say that the east coast isn't too bad. Despite the humidity, there was so much to see/do in the city. I keep telling people that NY is SF on crack! I was able to see my friend Ali. I haven't seen this lady in a few years. I'm happy that we have one of those relationships, where despite us not really keeping in contact with each other, when we do kick it, it's as if we were hanging out the day before. I was able to kick it w/ Sneh, Hana, as well as Diana during my short stay in the city. It was also nice to see those ladies as well. My trip to NY also consisted of a day trip to DC to go sightseeing. There is so much history. The guy doing the narrating on the bus was very informative. I learned a lot in the five hours I saw DC.

Chillin on a Sunday night, bored. Figured I'd just start typing and this is what i've got so far. Thank you to those who continue to keep me motivated, optimistic, and positive despite the current obstacles.

"hot" in tagalog = mainit

Props to my homie AG for showin me this video. He was able to interview these folks while interning for Mtv Philippines. Apparently the hip-hop scene over there isn't too big right now. These folks are trying to make a name for themselves and the hip-hop culture in the Philippines. Not gonna lie. When he first told me about it, I didn't think it was going to be anything to crazy. I'm so used to watching Wowowee, and all the other shows on TFC at my aunt and uncles house. The dancing they have on that channel is what I like to say... corny?? I'm not sure if thats the right word, but lets just say i've seen better dancing, rapping, etc. This group of people definitely shut me up. I've got high hopes for these people and everyone else in this movement going on in the Philippine Islands.



Peace easy!!

anyway...

A friend of mine, Eileen, posted this earlier. Nice motivation...

"...people are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered;
forgive them anyway.

if you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
be kind anyway.

if you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies;
succeed anyway.

if you are honest and sincere people may deceive you;
be honest and sincere anyway.

what you spend years creating others could destroy overnight;
create anyway.

if you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
be happy anyway.

the good you do today, will often be forgotten.
do good anyway.

give the best you have, and it may never be enough;
give your best anyway.

in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway."

- mother teresa

word to yo motha...

What do I hear on this nice day?

Pound for Pound

It's the calm before the storm right now. For the past few weeks or so, I've been really keeping myself informed about the fight and all aspects of it. Constantly reading mannypacquiao.ph and other sites concerning this day. I've found myself getting pumped for the fight after seeing anything that may remind me of it. Clips on TV of either fighter, over hearing people conversing about it, etc have me walking around the house shadow boxing. I can't wait... There are very few things in life that I'm sure of. Pacquiao winning this fight is one of them. There is nothing in my mind that would make me think otherwise. The utter confidence I have in him is ridiculous. Hatton is a good fighter. He trains well, but he can't beat Manny.

Here we go...

plain and simple

Never lose focus...

Continue to stay motivated, optimistic and positive

Must constantly remind myself...

Cavaliers Heineken commercial spoof

Good 'ol Auntie Marvie

This past weekend was my niece's baptism. The baby, Laurie Aiko Cadiz Wada, was a nice lil girl this weekend at her ceremony. No crying, fussing. Just abunch of smiles and wide eyed looks.
It's been awhile since these family/friends kicked it. The occasion to do so was a nice as well. We had the baptism in the morning, reception, then kicked it at the house for the rest of the day. We all got ready around 10sh to leave for the bars/lounges in Burlingame. Then...

Auntie Marvie to me, prior to going out w/ the family/friends:

"I just want you to be happy....

HAPPY
H= Hope. Have hope in your life in that God will lead you to happiness
A= Appreciation. Appreciate what you have in life
P= Prayer. Pray for guidance
P= Perserverance. Never give up. Always be optimistic and positive
Y=Yourself. Make sure you keep yourself happy

Keep that in mind. Have fun. Be safe"

Peace easy!!

Ms. Fat Booty (jazzy mix)

AEON update

AEON gives me a call yesterday giving me an update on my conditional offer. As of now, no luck. There are no openings for August, which I didn't mind. It was good to know though, that the recruiter still expressed interest on finding me a position for when I wanted to leave. Because it had been so long since he last contacted me, I kind of figured they had forgotten about me and that was that. I thought I was just going to have to apply again or find another company. No biggie. All is well. He had explained to me that because of the world's economic crisis, a lot of people are holding onto their positions and resigning with the company. Shit, I would've too. He says that now, they are looking for positions opening between September and maybe even up to December. Which is fine by me. It doesn't matter to me when I leave, I just want to GO! I also want to have enough time to get myself prepared to leave. Getting ready mentally, financially, etc.

Happy to be back on the grind. I'm diggin the fact I feel like that...

Feeling Golden...

Stairway To Heaven (Symphony)

Beer Eutopia

Put this on the dream list...

Just start typing

It's definitely been awhile since I've written anything on here. I've had multiple thoughts within these past couple of weeks that I have wanted to discuss, express, write about, etc. But as I sit here, I just can't think of what they were. I'm sure as I continue to write, it will come to me. I've continued to keep up on my friend's blogs and for some, what they've been up to lately. It amazes me that there are so many of you out there who continue to write religiously. I've tried to do that, but I just can't seem to sit down to do it. For me, I guess, it seems that I'm looking at it as a chore. Where as I'm sure for others, those who write everyday, it's nothing like that at all. It's very therapeutic, a hobby, something along those lines that gives them the motivation to write everyday. I guess I'm still new to this. I'm still trying to process the notion that this blog is for me. A way for me to just write and let loose.

I've been really busy lately. It's definitely a change. I've taken that year off after graduation to relax, have fun, and kick it. Now it's back to being in a constant move. I started my job working with the U.S. Census Bureau this past week. Putting in a 40-hour week is something I haven't done in awhile. It feels good though. I'm happy to be back on the move and busy. With this position, I'm getting paid to walk around the city verifying addresses for the 2010 Census. A big reason why I took this position was not because of the pay and hours, but I would be getting exercise every day. Definitely something I've been lacking for quite awhile, haha. We were able to do a trial run out in the field on our last day of training. If that day was anything like what we're gonna be doing on the regular, this job is gonna be legit. I'm going to be able to talk to people in the community and just have simple conversation. Although I may not be that inviting of a person when they look at me through their peephole, I'm able to neutralize the situation with a smile and an upbeat welcome. It's like breaking people down, a challenge trying to get them to talk. Even if its just a simple answer. There are a lot of people out there who have their own opinions on what's going on in the world today, and I know they want to share that with others. With me working for the government, people automatically assume that I know everything about what's going on and that I'm on the other side. I've gotten yelled at, ridiculed, embraced, etc. It's interesting yall... quite interesting.

I'm still tutoring at the middle school. Monday through Thursday, after I do the Census shindigg. It's getting a lot easier to talk with the students. I'm able to just be even more laid back, and they can sense that. They've opened up and have some pretty intense conversations. Although they are nine years younger than I am, I forget that they are old enough to know certain things. They think they know everything actually. The shit that comes out of their mouths sometimes though... damn, you wouldn't believe. I can't help but shake my head sometimes. I find myself having to restrict my thoughts to them. They're just not old enough for what I have to say sometimes. They're still young and learning. Despite helping them and giving them tips, they still disregard what is being taught to them sometimes because they want to learn it themselves. I've said the line, "I told you so.." plenty of times already. It makes me laugh.

I've been able to hang out with my pops this past month. He's back from the Philippines for a few months to visit and handle some stuff. Before he got here, I was not happy or sad about him coming back. The relationship with my father is something I've continued to work on the past few years. After having gone through what we went through for those few years was something that I will never forget, and will learn from for the rest of my life. For two years of my life, I didn't have a father. I mean, he was there... but not to me. I didn't speak to him, see him, talk about him for nearly two and a half years. It was my sister, who pleaded with my brother and I, to ammend things with our father. So we did. It's weird now. Our relationship has pretty much completely 180d. I have never been so honest and care free with my pops. He knows the things I do, and yet I continue to be honest. I've come to terms that he really can't say shit to me when I do things. Although we never have talked about those empty years, he knows that I was able to accomplish great things while we were on our hiatus. The other day, we were in the car on our way to my Grandma's house. We were talking about his business in the Philippines and how it was going. He was looking out the window when this happened. He stopped talking, and said, "Jhustin, I'm proud of you..." I didn't say thank you, or anything to continue the conversation. It just struck me. I had worked so hard in college for him to say that. I was ready to send him my graduation ticket through the mail. Just the ticket in an envelope. It was all ready to go. But two weeks before gradutation is when we reconciled. Him saying that to me for some reason, made me not care much for it. I knew he had to be proud of me. I had done everything in my power for him to say it, but it didn't matter. I've been confused as to really why I have those feelings. I guess it's just one of those things where I can forgive, but never forget... I'm still working on it.

I've been trying something new lately. Finding motivation everywhere you go. And I mean EVERYWHERE. For me, its along the lines of staying positive and optimistic. It sounded real corny when I was trying to explain it to my brother, then again he can be a dick at times, ha. Through conversations with others, through watching things on TV, through reading, seeing art, etc. I've thought into depth about certain things and have tried to find a way for that 'thing' to motivate me. I was driving by the park down the street and a little league game just ended. One of the little boys was crying at his car. I could hear his dad talking to him while I was at the stop light. His pops was telling him that as long as he tried his hardest, he wasn't going to be mad at him one bit. "But I tried really hard to hit the ball but I couldn't do it..." Straight from a movie right?? Haha. Motivation right there son! Just try hard and no one can really be mad at you. Motivation to try hard in everything that I do on the daily. I try hard to make my family happy, I try hard to make myself happy, I try hard to make those around me happy. At the end of the day, as long as I tried to my full extent, it's pretty much what anyone could ask for. I've gotten to the point where I am just trying to stay motivated every way possible. Stepping out of my comfort zone of constant motivation (friends in Irvine), I've found it hard sometimes to keep on track. Little things like this have helped me through this process.

"Who so ever desires constant success, must change their conduct with the times"

Peace easy!!

Kappa Sigma (Mu-Delta)

I was speaking with a friend the other day and he had asked me what were some of the most important decisions I made throughout my college days. To his surprise, I quickly answered with "My greatest decision in college, was to join my Fraternity... Kappa Sigma." His facial expression shared with me shock and confusion. I asked why he had looked at me like that and he said that it usually took people a minute or two to decide what those important decisons were. I then proceeded to give him my reasons...

The Kappa Sigma Fraternity has always had a 'hand' in any of the greatest/worst moments I experienced during my five years in Irvine.  From the moment I stepped foot on the UCI campus, that humid summer weekend in July '03, there was something that got me interested in this organization without me even knowing. The staffers I saw from a distance who commanded attention and respect by their presence alone had me thinking. "Who are these guys?" Being able to kick it w/ them that weekend, especially one in particular, made me realize that I too would like to gain some of their strong characteristics during my time here at UCI. I also was able to meet several fellas in my dorm that would end up being friends, great friends, to this day. 

The dorms. Suite 103. Although this came first, the six of us joining Kappa Sigma only solidified our friendship. So many memories, good and bad, that will never make us regret our (shortened) time in Barranca. 

I have learned so much about myself not only due to the whole college experience, but I seem to find the root of everything I have learned, experienced, and shared to one thing. Kappa Sigma. It is through this organization I was able to learn a lot about myself. Where I was pushed to the lowest and highest emotional/physical/psychological  moments. Times where I learned so much about who I am and what my capabilities were as a person.  All of those experiences have given me a great deal of knowledge that I know I couldn't have gained anywhere else except @ 1040 Arroyo Dr.  Kappa Sig led me from learning how to pick my classes so I would only have Tues-Wed classes, to gaining my confidence, to being GMC and eventually joining SPOP at the end.

Being able to interact with others and share with each other our own insights and knowledge is how it all happens. Being able to learn so much about yourself and others by simple conversation or even competition is something to be grateful for. This fraternity offered me this. This fraternity opened other doors for me to continue that cycle.  

There could be so much more for me to type concerning my thoughts about all of this, but then again it would just be me writing story after story...

AEKΔB

Yesterday

DJ Z-Trip & DJ P [Uneasy Listening]- (2001 Release)

Z-Trip on Thursday, in the city w/ the homies... hollaaaaa

The Dream Giver

A very good read... I am now even more focused and motivated to accomplish what lies ahead.

The bottom of the box

I was cleaning my room earlier, putting some stuff away. I had come across a box that I know i've had for quite a long time. I believe it may have been one of those boxes I used when I moved out of my dorm, kept it with me wherever I moved to, and never opened it. It was quite nostalgic, going through this box. Pictures from the dorms, notes from Chemistry and Math 2A, flyers from parties when we used to be able to flyer on ring road. So, towards the bottom of the box, I came across a piece of paper that was folded up. Opened it, and it was a piece I had written sometime at the end of my freshman year. From what I remember, it had been shortly after some funk that happened.

5/21/04

The construction of this frustration

Starts with this foundation…

Stupid
Fuck you
Dumb Ass
Bitch, etc.
These verbal 
Sonic booms, yoga fires, etc. Attack 

To counter these moves would usually be for me to do the same.
That I did.
I don’t know what there is to do when I’m stuck in a stalemate.
Therefore I result to what comes natural.

And for that, I apologize.
That is not me.
This is who I am. 
The teddy bear friend.
The homey that’s down for you,
The funny guy who enjoys making everyone laugh.
The guy you can count on.
They say I’m too nice. 
That is how they perceive me
…And lets keep it that way.

Maybe they perceive me in other words as well.  

What do I say to that? Nothing…
I am who I am, that is their opinion
That is who they are… 

It’s obvious they don’t know who I am… they don’t know me.

I KNOW ME

But when it comes down to it… 
If there ever comes that time when they 
Need that friend… that person…
That is who I am. Brushin’ them shoulders off.

To change everything for just a couple of minutes 
Can cause chaos continuing to what could be catastrophes.
Evolving into a different person… 
Transforming into… who?
A person who gets caught up in the moment 
And forgets what is going on for that time period.
Taking actions that one will regret in just a short time.
Hold up… what am I doing?
Wait…
All I need to do is, “lean back”
Walk away… 

Breathe… 
Breathe…
Breathe…

And so it happens
The silence after the scuffle… 
To recuperate and analyze what the hell just went on!

I resort to the only thing that I know…

THIS

________________

And for all you Curly Fries lovers

http://coupon.hangintherejack.com/seasoned-curly-fries.php

Japan bound... stayin' positive

So I got the call on Friday morning. AEON had given me what they call a conditional offer. Now what that means is that I am pretty much on their waiting list, hoping that something will open up during the time I want to leave.

"We do want to hire you and for you to become a part of our company, we just don't have any positions open for when you want to leave..."

So, I'm on their waiting list. Waiting for a position to open up sometime between mid-August and December. I asked what the chances were for a position to open up, and he said that there obviously aren't any guarantees, but with the way things work, something should turn up. So yea, if all goes to plan and there becomes an opening during that time, I will be on my way to Japan at the end of the year... quite exciting, yea??

It still hasn't quite sunk yet. I go about my day and forget about it completely until someone brings it up in conversation, or if I see anything Japanese. For me, I feel it's the fact I am on that waiting list. Until I hear back from them giving me the final offer, I won't really have that full 100% feeling. Don't get me wrong though. I'm so very positive in thinking that there will be something that will open up.  Although I feel I am very optimisitic, I do have a pessimistic point of view on things at times. I feel that i'm right in the middle when it comes to these things, leaning more towards being optimistic. I do understand that shit happens and things don't always work out how you want them to be. But, quite honestly, if all else fails and AEON does not have an opening, I will just have to apply to another company. The fact that I got the call back from AEON telling me that they want to hire me, gives me so much motivation to the fact that everything will come together in the end... it always does.  

The whole process concerning AEON has got me thinking a lot lately, especially about how I live my life. I remember a time when I would criticize so many things. I had that "hater" mentality. Yea, i've still got it, but in no way am I remotely close to how I used to be. Someone once told me that in order to live a happier life, we must be glad/happy about the small things that come our way (i.e. a sunny day, having a productive day, spending time with friends/family, etc.). I never paid too much attention to that saying til a couple of weeks ago. The day of my personal interview with AEON was a happy day. I was happy simply because I was productive, it was sunny outside, and I was spending time with good friends. I didn't think too much about how the interview went, my own issues i'm dealing with back here at home, etc. I feel like i'm preaching to the choir by saying all of this.  I feel like we've all been told these things, and yet have never actually practiced this lifestyle. Why is it that people get soooo mad over shit that doesn't concern them, or if it does, why do they get so angry and hold grudges, or dwell in that moment? I understand that it is a part of a persons emotional well being to be able to express their thoughts and feelings. But, if those certain feelings make one become so ill-tempered, why do we tend to dwell in that state of mind for such a long period of time? Obviously it is easier said than done, but who says it can't be done? I'm sure there are certain rebuttles concerning this thought, but I can't think of one. I'm sitting here thinking of any type of situation where it would be adequate for someone to dwell in such anger, sadness, or bitterness for a long time. Basically what i'm trying to say is... really try to not dwell so much in negative thoughts/feelings/etc for too long. Because if you do, it will not only affect you, but those around you. In turn, take the necessary time to express your feelings, and move on. Saying "move on" I feel is such a harsh term when talking about situations where one would be sad. Switch those thoughts into something positive. I can assure you, that you will live a more pleasant life. I have. Trust me when I say I have my own fair share of issues and problems that I deal with. When I do think about that shit at times, it quickly brings me down and discourages me from doing a lot of things. It's simply amazing the power of positivity when its implemented into ones life...

A new realization i've had, is that being home is preparing me for my next step in life. I am learning so many more new things about myself. What I can and can not do. What I want to do. How I live my life. And plenty of other things. I continue to grow, despite not being around those who have helped me mature these past five years. I continue to use all of you for support and motivation.

Thank you Hannah and Heather. If it wasn't for you two ladies planting that seed of going to Japan in my mind, it would have never happened. Simply said, thanks for being a homie...

I think it went pretty well...

My interview to teach in Japan was this past weekend in LA. I had stayed up late, just about a week ago trying to finish an essay on "Why I wanted to live and work in Japan." Not even expecting any type of call back at least for a few weeks, I got one the next day asking me to make it to an information session/group interview that upcoming Saturday, the 17th. So next thing you know, i'm back in so cal. The intense information session was definitely something I was happy to see. They talked about so many different aspects with the job. They discussed everything in the contract stipulations, and five considerations to go through before deciding to move to Japan. A couple of the five considerations that I was very happy to hear them discuss was Financial and Family considerations. 

Financial Consideration- AEON pretty much broke it down for you when they put everything on paper concerning the costs to get there. They suggest bringing about $1,500 USD for the first couple of months, because your first big paycheck won't really come until about a month or two after you arrive in Japan.  That money would of course be for rent and cost of living for the first few months. On top of that, they're talking about clothes, airfaire, etc. They added everything up, and pretty much it would cost around $2,500 for everything. They also mentioned debt. They had asked if I had accumulated any debt and if I would be carrying over that debt if I would have decided to leave for Japan. Uhhhhhh, yea I have debt. I did in fact think all of this over prior to deciding to even apply. I want to become financially situated before I leave. Yea, thats a lot of money. But it shouldn't be too hard to handle this financial dilemma of mine if this is something I really want to do. I told them that. I said that is why I would not want to leave until the fall, most likely the end of August beginning of September.  I want to get everything sqwuared away before I leave. Almost leaving with a clean slate...

Family Consideration- AEON explained the importance of having your family and friends support you in your decision to move across the globe into a completely different environment.  I am lucky to have great family and friends.  The few people who fueled this thought into my mind, to the family and friends who have continued to support me whenever I tell them. Positive motivation. They began to give examples and explain this importance because there have been plenty of people who have decided to go, and bailed on the company after a few weeks/months.  Not only does that affect the person, but the company as well.  The company spent a lot of time and money to help that person get the job and transition into Japan. The recruiters began to list several situations such as family arguments, running away from problems, family health issues, etc. When they expressed their concern about family health issues, they made it clear that it was not a good idea to go if someone in the family had a serious health concern. It is for the benefit of the person to be here with their family during their time of need. "AEON has been here for over 35 years since 1973, and will continue to be here for the next 35 years and beyond. The opportunity will always be here. Your loved ones may not be..." After that line, we took a break. i overheard two people speak with the recruiters saying that they would not continue for the rest of the day because of what they said. The recruiters obviously were very understanding, but the two people were ever so grateful.  One of the interviewees said that the thought was always in the back of her mind, whether or not she should go. She thanked the recruiter for breaking it down to her, and possibly making a mistake by leaving too soon. I have no doubt that the person will be back and make it to Japan one day. I saw it in her lesson plan demonstration. I saw it when I had talked to her throughout the day. She has the passion to teach and the love to travel. She explained her reasons on going, but never once did she mention anything that would hold her back. Best of luck to you...

My lesson plan demonstration I feel went fantastic. Everything went a lot better than I had planned. I'm just happy I practiced the lesson plan with Diana and Zo before we left that morning. Thanks for the tips yo! I was able to slow down the speed of my talking and continue to have the energy needed. But... apparently I don't smile enough. I guess that can be fixed. I feel way corny smiling all the time especially when there isn't anything funny or if in a dull moment. That's the only thing the recruiter said I could have done better, other than a few things that had to do with the lesson plan itself (all minor though). 

During the personal interview, the recruiter surprised me with a task. I had to create a lesson plan based on one of their handouts and give a five minute presentation, with only ten minutes to prepare. The recruiter was to leave during those ten minutes, then when he came back he would act as a Japanese student. That shit was hard yo... I am to teach Japanese children/adults conversational English. It is really hard when they don't understand you fully or you find it difficult to explain/demonstrate what certain words mean.  All while smiling and having a high energy. It's quite difficult to keep smiling and have high energy when the person you're teaching looks at you hella dumb, with a straight face, and answers back like I had done something wrong to them. I'm not sure if it was just me, but damn... It's gonna be a rough learning experience if I get this chance. All in all, I think the personal interview portion went pretty well. I answered all the questions with carefully and with confidence. I left that interview knowing I did my best, leaving everything on the table. 

This whole process has even further solidified my decision to go to Japan. I feel like everytime I write another blog, there is just something else to write about that helps with that decision to go. I am grateful. I am happy I am still able to continue a positive outlook despite certain things going on.  I continue to stay happy because of the support I have. I am pleasantly content...

I should hear back in about two weeks...

"I can do all things through Him, who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Hoping for the best... update

So it's been a few weeks since i've updated or put anything on this here blog. There have definitely been those moments these past few weeks where i've thought about putting what I was thinking into my next blog update. So here goes, another entry that should be pretty long and jump from here to there. 

A lot has happened. Christmas here in Sacramento for the first time in a long time, New Years in Irvine and a week long vacation down there, applying for Japan, and starting my new job as a tutor at a local middle school.  Christmas just didnt' feel like Christmas. Actually the holidays just didn't seem like the holidays. Couldn't really put my finger on why it felt that way, but it just did. I realized that I don't think i'll ever have the same excitement as I had when I was a child growing up.  I used to look forward to my cousins coming a day or two before Christmas and spending that time with them. Having the house full of family for several days where at the end we would almost get sick and tired of each other. No more. We all meet the day of now, see each other for a few hours then everyone seems to go on their way.  Fortunately for me, the cousins know wassup. We're all down as fuck and kick it whenever possible. It was a good thing to hear from my Grandma and aunties that they were happy we all were very close. There are 13 total grandchildren on my father's side.  The six eldest are all one year apart, i'm the second eldest. So growing up, we've always called ourselves "the six". Having my grandma and the rest of the family say how happy they were, how they hoped it never changed, and how it has influenced the younger cousins to be just as close was very uplifting.  It was the first time in a long time the six of us were able to kick it, largely due to me living in so cal for the past five years.  Overall, Christmas wasn't the same, don't ever think it will be, but definitely one to remember.

Then came the vacation. Luckily for me, Ray and Errol were nice enough to swoop me up in Sacramento from Union City before we headed to Irvine. Very grateful, thanks again homies!! Not only did I have a great New Years, but a much needed visit down there in Irvine.  It brought closure.  Although I have stated in the past that I know that I moved up here for me and all that shit, after visiting down south, it was made very clear to me.  I felt like I binged when it came to chillin. I commend those who are able to maintain their lifestyle while still working hard.  I myself am very capable of doing such, I think I just lost sight on that aspect for awhile.  Being back home has definitely put things into persepctive and because of that, I feel I am the most motivated and productive than I have been in awhile.  I was very glad to see all the people I was able to see while I was down there.  If I wasn't able to kick it w/ you while I was down there, no need to worry. It's not like I won't be making it down there again.  Rest assure, I will make plenty of trips down to so cal, and we will have plenty of other times to kick it.  This trip has also reaffirmed my belief in having good friends and surrounding yourself with positivity.  I really like how it felt like I hadn't even left. My homies were still my homies, not treating me any different just because I was gone. Some may say how is that possible? Believe me it is. I am thankful to those of you who were very understanding when we weren't able to meet up or see each other. Just because we weren't able to kick it, does not mean in any way I was trying to diss you, ignore you, etc. please believe that. I found it hard to believe that someone actually would say things of that sort just because our schedules didn't match, or I missed a phone call, or something else happened. blah blah blah... writers block.

I had just finished my essay for Japan. "Why do you want to live and work in Japan?" Broad as fuck when it comes to an essay prompt I feel. When I first started to write it, I was thinking about how difficult it may be trying to answer that question only with 500 words, hahaha... why did I end up with a lot more than the minimum?? I just kept typing and typing. Although I am finished, I feel like there is still plenty for me to write. I wanted to put everything into that essay to make them realize that by not picking me, it would be detrimental to their company. I'm just confident, ya feel me?! This is a reality. No longer is it a "i think i'll do it" thought, this is by far one of the most definite things in my future. Whether or not it is the program I am applying for now, I'm going to get there some way some how, straight up... I feel it is imperative to my well being for me to get there. 

I started tutoring last week. I had a great time. I tutored two 5th graders in math and reading comprehension. I was able to use Kung Fu Panda as an example to relate some of the material. When doing so, the two 5th graders were so excited and even told me the next day that it was something they remembered and shared with their classmates.  It is very rewarding to see things that I have taught to others being utilized. I am very excited to get this going for the next couple of months.  So far so good, things look promising.

Hoping for the best. Continue to stay positive.