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4:05am... trying to fall asleep

It was a laid back day today. I slept in this morning. By sleeping in, I mean I woke up @ 9am. I headed to 24 to work out for a bit, watched football, then when to the gun range. Didn't end up going out tonight, instead I just stayed in. My brother and homies came back from some party a friend of ours was DJing and we chopped it up for a few hours. Thats probably why I can't go to sleep right now. They had woken me up when they got home and now i'm finding it difficult to fall back asleep. Probably the biggest reason why I decided to update my blog. Hopefully this will make me sleep. Again, this entry is going to go off in so many tangents. I'm just typing n' typing hoping some train of thought will take me away.

2010... This year has started off great. I was able to spend New Years w/ the Donuts in Hollywood at a dope ass spot overlooking LA. There was a point where I was standing at the top of the balcony looking down at everyone on the patio and thinking to myself that I am truly blessed. I took that moment, made the sign of the cross, and prayed for a few minutes. I thanked God for blessing me with great family and friends. Blessing me with all that he has given me. Every time someone asks how i'm doing, what's new, etc. The response has been the same lately.

"I'm doing very well homie. I truly feel blessed... I have a job, I'm paying my bills on time, and I've got great family and friends"

A year ago, I had a plan, yet I still felt lost. My plan was to go to Japan and teach. To teach abroad somewhere and travel. Obviously those plans didn't work out. I wasn't able to teach abroad, and I still have yet gotten the chance to travel. Although shit hit the fan and my itinerary didn't go as planned, I adjusted. It's nothing new. We've all experienced it. We've all had to go through changes despite how well we plan things. But shit man, those times where the reality set. Knowing that my plan had gone diminished was very disheartening. That's why we must continue to stay positive, stay focused and move forward. Even if it is baby steps, it's always about moving forward. It was a comfort to know during that time that everything would work out in the end, and it has.

Just get through it. Rough it out. Know and believe that each step you make, big or small, is one step closer to your goal...

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Motivation. I've got plenty of motivation right now, especially when it comes to being healthy. Hitting the gym 3-5 times a week and eating healthier has made a difference in how I feel. I've got a lot more energy and am overall much more.... happy? I'm not sure if that's the word I want to use, but I just feel more upbeat. Motivation each day when I'm able to stay on that elliptical for a few more minutes than the day before. Motivation when I step on the scale and I move that little weight thing further away from the right side. Motivation when family and friends say it looks like i've lost weight. Knowing that I'm making progress is motivation. It's a slow process, but a process nonetheless. I'm not doing this hella strict. I'm doing it my own way. I know that it would go a lot quicker, results would happen sooner if I did. I'm not really at a point where I want to do so. I've tried it before. Strict diets are not the business. I am not happy. Eating brown rice, steamed mixed vegetables and a chicken breast when you're hungover is not crackin'. To have me tell myself that I can't eat that much rice when my uncle is making the most delicious Filipino food ever is blasphemy! I compensate when it comes to things like that. I have been able to see progression while doing this my own way. And because of that, I'm happy and satisfied with the plan of attack. -26 lbs thus far, and yet I still have a long road ahead.

I'm sleepy now...

Peace/Be easy