The bottom of the box

I was cleaning my room earlier, putting some stuff away. I had come across a box that I know i've had for quite a long time. I believe it may have been one of those boxes I used when I moved out of my dorm, kept it with me wherever I moved to, and never opened it. It was quite nostalgic, going through this box. Pictures from the dorms, notes from Chemistry and Math 2A, flyers from parties when we used to be able to flyer on ring road. So, towards the bottom of the box, I came across a piece of paper that was folded up. Opened it, and it was a piece I had written sometime at the end of my freshman year. From what I remember, it had been shortly after some funk that happened.

5/21/04

The construction of this frustration

Starts with this foundation…

Stupid
Fuck you
Dumb Ass
Bitch, etc.
These verbal 
Sonic booms, yoga fires, etc. Attack 

To counter these moves would usually be for me to do the same.
That I did.
I don’t know what there is to do when I’m stuck in a stalemate.
Therefore I result to what comes natural.

And for that, I apologize.
That is not me.
This is who I am. 
The teddy bear friend.
The homey that’s down for you,
The funny guy who enjoys making everyone laugh.
The guy you can count on.
They say I’m too nice. 
That is how they perceive me
…And lets keep it that way.

Maybe they perceive me in other words as well.  

What do I say to that? Nothing…
I am who I am, that is their opinion
That is who they are… 

It’s obvious they don’t know who I am… they don’t know me.

I KNOW ME

But when it comes down to it… 
If there ever comes that time when they 
Need that friend… that person…
That is who I am. Brushin’ them shoulders off.

To change everything for just a couple of minutes 
Can cause chaos continuing to what could be catastrophes.
Evolving into a different person… 
Transforming into… who?
A person who gets caught up in the moment 
And forgets what is going on for that time period.
Taking actions that one will regret in just a short time.
Hold up… what am I doing?
Wait…
All I need to do is, “lean back”
Walk away… 

Breathe… 
Breathe…
Breathe…

And so it happens
The silence after the scuffle… 
To recuperate and analyze what the hell just went on!

I resort to the only thing that I know…

THIS

________________

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